You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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