i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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