help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
