i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
