What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
