What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
