Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
