You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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