You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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