im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
