gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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