I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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