Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
