Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do vagina's smell?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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