I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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