I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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