its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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