yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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