So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
