I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize