My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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