my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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