1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
