He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
