i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
