dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
