If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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