Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
