i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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