So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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