She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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