oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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