two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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