Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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