First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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