Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
