SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
