We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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