theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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