I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
