You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
