where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
