You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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