I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
