HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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