I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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