Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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