..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
