he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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