That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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