Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize