my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
