When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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