Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
