You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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