Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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