after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize