I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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