Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
