just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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