Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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