i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
