I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
