Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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