I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
