I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
