Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
