I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
